What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 12:18
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But it wasn’t much.
What is one thing nice you did for someone today or something they did for you?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She married twice! .
Was Daenerys' downfall inevitable after she left Meereen in Game of Thrones?
All the time i was locked up.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why do I get stressed when I go to bed?
Ive learnt so much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
How come Taiwan is LGBT friendly, yet Japan and South Korea are not?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why do people stop working towards achieving their dreams?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Is anal sex allowed in Islam? It's not written anywhere in the Quran whether it's forbidden or not.
This is soul school!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why do older people have a hard time using technology?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What is it like to be the slave in a mistress-slave relationship?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Does the West have a defense against China's PL17 air-air missile?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She found it foreign!.
I was very sick at this time too.
What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Comes on , in middle age.
It was going to be , some day.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I never cut or harmed myself..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was scared of men, in general
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were not on the streets..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Was to survive, this bastard.
What did i know ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I think the readers, may guess!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Put me off passion for life!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I said to her
One cannot live in the past .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When she asked me how she looked .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We all went to grammer schools
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But, we were locked up after school.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I don,t even have a pension.
She was in good health!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I will be 64.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She loved him until the end.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My family never makes their pension either.
She wouldn,t have been !
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was seconnd youngest,
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was 9 years of age.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He knew the spot.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I have no regrets .
I waited trembling.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Would this be the day?
And i lived it daily.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im still living with it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I write beautiful poetry .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So whats the point in blame.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Who then, do I blame.?
My life is so biszare .